Gay Rights are My Rights

To all my heterosexual friends and family members,

You know me and I know you. We've talked about politics, employment, family, the Past, education, religion, flatulence, vaginae,  penises, breasts, taxes, gardening, natural disasters, life, love, happiness...we've talked about everything we could in the time we had. We've made each other laugh and cry. We've hugged one another and pushed each other away. We've had intense conversations where we absolutely did not agree yet we absolutely intended on hearing and speaking...we communicated deeply and we did not always agree. We've occasionally agreed so well it sounded like arguing. Many times we held these intense conversations to the microscope and came away in partial agreement, both gaining a better understanding from the experience. Both, certain we'd talk again, perhaps, each even hoped to win over the other. In some of the subjects we've covered such a hope is not an improbability, after all, a logical and sound argument is hard to refute and quite capable of converting a logical mind. In other subjects, neither of us have any hope, regardless of how logical or sound the argument. For this reason alone, I write you this letter.

I understand that there are certain subjects that we will never agree upon. And, I understand that the true mark of civility is the ability to remain civil while discussing said subjects. I can say with confidence we have remained civil in our discourses of touchy subjects and for that I applaud us all. However, I have a confession I feel obligated to release from the shackles of civility: when we talk about "gay rights" we are really talking about my fucking rights (or, should I say fucking lack thereof?). Now, I take that "fucking" in a number of ways: 1) [Monique's] fucking [civil] rights; 2) [Monique's] fucking [lesbian] rights; 3) [Monique's] fucking [constitutional] rights; 4) [Monique's] fucking [human] rights; etc. In the past we've talked about gay rights and you've expressed your opinion of gays and their rights. You've looked me in the eyes and told me to my face that you don't hate gays, in fact you have gay _____ [fill-in the blank (family, friends, neighbors, doctors)], but you don't agree with the "gay lifestyle", and you don't think gays should be able to _____ [fill-in the blank (marry, join the military, be clergy, teach, have children, inherit from their "spouse", live together in old age, show public affection, etc.)]. Do you think I was not civil when I heard you speak and held back my hand from slapping you for thinking I should not be allowed to marry, enlist, preach, teach, inherit from my wife, grow old with my wife, kiss my wife before she boards a plane? You were not speaking to me about the rights of some human being you would never have to face. You were facing me, speaking to me, a lesbian, a gay, when you told me that you didn't think I should have the same rights as you, the same rights we're both guaranteed in the Constitution. Well, we're both still standing here and I still haven't raised my hand to you, though a logical and sound argument exists, I'm attempting civility.

So, today, in my greatest attempt to remain civil, I beseech you: How dare you look me in the eyes and tell me that you don't hate me, but you don't think I should have rights? What bigger sign of hatred could another put forth than to attempt to strip a human being of their personhood? I am an American. I am a Lesbian. I am a Woman. These three things cannot be and will not be taken from me, regardless of your opinions on the subject. I have never told you that I think you are less of a person because you are heterosexual; you, however, have told me that you think I am less of a person because I am a homosexual. And, still we disagree. I am not less of a person, in fact, every law written about me and my kind only serves to verify that I am indeed a person, we are indeed people. Moreover, as a person born in the United States, I am a citizen, and I can tell you I am far beyond pissed off when it comes to the subject of me and my fucking rights. As a Woman, male politicians are attacking my rights to healthcare access. As a Lesbian, "heterosexual" politicians are attacking my rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. As an American, politicians are attacking my right to speak out against these attacks. And, you my dear heterosexual friends and family, you look me in the face and tell me that my kind, "those gays", are getting what they deserve?

Even in the face of all this, we continue to have civil discourses. What is it about our relationship that allows this to occur? What is it about us that we can hold these incredibly different stances on my rights, yet maintain civility? How is it that you hold such unwavering opinions on something that only concerns you because you know me, meanwhile it negatively effects me? How can we be friends or family when you think people like me should have no rights, or worse, that we should die? Have you ever said, "I'd kill my kid, if it ended up gay"? You would kill me? You've never said such to my face? I ask you now: would you kill me because I am a lesbian? If you hesitate to answer, why do you hesitate? If you do not hesitate to answer, what is your answer? Yes? No? If yes, then the next time we meet why don't we skip the pleasantries of discourse and move right into the last course? If no, then next we meet may it be merry.

From here I am done talking. I'll no longer hold my tongue for the sake of civility, especially when it comes to my rights. If you read that sentence and wonder when I've held my tongue: I've held back far more than you can ever imagine. If you're still in doubt, you have only to wait, watch, and wonder.